grace

Last night I finally heard that my cousin died. He died of leukemia at the age of 43. We found out about it around four weeks ago so from news to loss it’s been very quick. I wanted to write a little piece about it to mark his passing. I didn't know him very well as he was 13 years older than me so we didn’t have a shared childhood but I do feel close to his mother, my auntie and it pains me greatly to think about her losing a child.

He had a complicated life, a life I thought of often. He had schizophrenia and in a small way this made me feel like we shared some common ground, not that I suffer from mental illness but I do agree that the Creative mind ‘mimic schizophrenia’ (a few things in this BBC article really sum up how my own mind works). My cousin was a creative in his own right. A talented musician who could never get to the point where his music was recorded, he actually had some pretty good opportunities along the way but it’s hard to get your act together when your head is literally full of demons. I don’t think I’ll ever more honestly say that, now he can finally rest in peace. I am so sorry that I’m too far away to make it home for his funeral and of course I’m sending my love to my family.

I think he might of liked this Jeff Buckley track, I hope I’ve chosen well. Colleen xxx